please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
