He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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