Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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