are you still at the devil's house?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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