From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
