As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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