Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
