why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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