I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
