just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
