Apparently you make a good broom.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
