Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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