I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
