i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
