Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
