you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
