Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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