physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
