Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
