I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
