hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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