she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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