woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
