Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
