the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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