Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
