This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
A bitchslap is in order.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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