all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
