proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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