Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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