nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
