the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
