My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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