there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
