but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
