That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
