He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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