I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
