He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
