Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
