Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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