Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
No stitches, just platelets and will power
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
