she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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