there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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