Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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