So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
