Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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