I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
either way he was missing a nipple.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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