I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
