im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
