I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
