Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
