Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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