from now on my penis is your penis
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
