So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
