I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
