How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
